So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Couch. On fire.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
