I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
