Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
