his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
