Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
