yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
