So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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