ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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