i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
