I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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