I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
