he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
