Plan B is the new Plan A
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
