I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
