hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
