Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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