evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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