I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
