I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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