I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
