Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His hands were made for my vagina.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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