sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
