We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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