we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
