So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
