Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
