My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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