Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
