he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
