well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
