you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
