That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
