Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
