If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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