My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
