She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Someone signed my nipple.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
