Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
