I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
