apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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