I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
