He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
