her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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