roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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