So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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