It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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