Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
