and you said cock pushups were impossible
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
