now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
