Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
