He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
