i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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