Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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